The Advance Review Copies Are Here!

My preview books have finally arrived! I am so excited! It is an amazing thing going through the three-year process of writing a story, editing it, setting the type, working with an illustrator, registering the copyright, getting an ISBN and barcode, and then finally seeing it all in tangible form! It is a surreal experience holding the advance review paperbacks, seeing my character's names on paper, and turning back Rudy's incredible cover to read the story.

I printed about 1,000 advance review copies. This is far more than most publishers print for a book, but I wanted to spread my book far and wide to gain the maximum amount of review attention possible before the final hardcover comes out. I'll be giving these books away for free to anyone who is honestly interested in reading and reviewing them. So, feel free to contact me through my blog with your mailing address if you'd like one.

While I am sending these books out for review, I'll be simultaneously working on the finalized book and the book web site. The final book, text-wise, will be very similar to these advance review copies, except that it will be free of grammatical mistakes. Advance review copies like these paperbacks (also called galleys) commonly do have mistakes in them as they are "pre-publication" books rushed to advance reviewers to generate buzz ahead of a complete editorial review. So, I'll be re-reading the book for a twelfth time this month to see what horrifying errors I missed on my eleventh review. It's a good thing I enjoy the story! :)

I'll also be working on the web site which has some cutting-edge functionality to be announced soon. I plan to include games, more of Rudy's drawings from the story, and a special "members only" section of the site for people who own the book.

In the meantime, I'm just reveling in having a tangible copy of my book in my hands!

Kalamazoo!



Christopher

Happy Birthday Buddy!

Happy birthday Aiden. Wow! Four year old! Miss ya buddy.

My Latest Query Letter

Although I am self-publishing my book, I do ultimately want to obtain an agent. I keep running across people in this process who may be interested in representing me, if the book sells well through my self-publishing efforts. So, today, I revised my cover letter one more time.

After doing even more thinking about what constitutes a good query letter and focusing on the essence of what I want to communicate, I have revised my query letter to the following.

What I Like About This Letter

• The quote in the header: I decided to shift from a quote illustrating the writing style of my book, to a quote from Dr. Ride. I figured her words would carry more import than mine, and that my sample chapters included with my query letter would be adequate examples of my writing style.
• Short: This letter is much shorter, obviously. I tried to keep it under a page and make it even less than that.
• More relevant experience: Instead of covering each of my barely relevant experiences in one line a piece, like in my previous letter, I decided to focus more on my directly applicable experiences.

What I Don't About This Letter

• The messaging of math & science: Although the Onyx Sun series does seem to excite kids about technology, it is less directly apparent how this translates into real math & science education. This link seems a little weak to me, at least until I have the lesson plans I have planned for these subjects available.
  

--- BEGIN LETTER ---

“Our future lies with today's kids and tomorrow's space exploration.”
- Dr. Sally Ride


Specific Person
Agency
Address
Address

Dear (Agent/Editor’s Name):

Somewhere, right now in the world, the first person to walk on Mars is sitting in an elementary school mathematics class. How closely this child pays attention may determine the fate of humanity’s next great steps in space. Yet, with the United States falling far behind other countries in math and science, this child may not be an American.

The Incredible Origins of the Onyx Sun is a young adult, fictional novel I have written to inspire American children to engage in math and science. It follows the adventures of ten-year-old Zack Goodspeed, who discovers his genius-inventor grandfather has secretly built man’s first interstellar spaceship. By stowing away on this ship, Zack is thrust into a journey that lands him on the Moon, throws him into life-threatening situations, and culminates in his saving humanity itself.

I work for the largest educational software publisher in the United States and wrote this book after personally witnessing the educational pandemic affecting our children. Our competitiveness as a nation is threatened by our kids’ ennui with math and science. Unless we can correct this, countries like India and China will set the world’s agenda.

I have woven my experience inspiring kids to learn into this book. I also have a proven ability to sell educational products to teachers and administrators. My connections, coupled with the book’s content, and a national need for educational engagement will make this book a story kids will enjoy and our country can benefit from.

The Incredible Origins of the Onyx Sun is the first book in a series. I am currently working on the sequel, The Wicked Adversaries of the Onyx Sun.

In my research, you have arisen as a quality source for representation of my completed book. I eagerly await your response. I have queried five other agents simultaneously.

Sincerely,
Christopher Mahoney

The Artistic Process Begins

Today, Rudy started sending me some concepts for Grandfather Goodspeed (also known as Fyodor, Fy, or Professor Goodspeed). We're doing a "deep dive" on Grandfather Goodspeed's look right now since his face will dominate the cover in the way I imagine it. I think once we nail the way he looks, a lot of the other elements will flow in around him.

I've included here some of the initial sketches Rudy has created. It is so interesting to me how words can be interpreted so differently by people. For, although I think each of these is roughly close to how I envisioned Fy Goodspeed, some are definitely closer. I really appreciate though I am working with someone who is able to envision and capture so many different ideas for what Grandfather should look like from the words I wrote.

I'd love to hear feedback from readers of my blog what they think. I've already polled family and friends and gotten a variety of feedback that has helped my finalize two of these, in my mind, for Fy Goodspeed's look.



Kalamazoo!



Christopher

The Rejection Letters Pour In

Well, I've been told from the start that rejection is part of the writing process. Today, I believe it. After Writers House turned down my first submission, I decided to cast my net wider and submit to a number of agents, some exclusively, but most simultaneously.

There's a lot of debate in the writing community about what appropriate practices are for submissions (exclusive versus simultaneous) , but I largely decided on the latter due to the time the whole process takes. If you consider that each agent takes two-to-three months (at best) to review your submission package, you're talking about only four to six agents seeing your material in a year. Since I truly believe my book has market potential and am not afraid to self-publish, I decided to accelerate this process by submitting to many agents simultaneously. I figure if I am going to be rejected, I'd like to get that out of the way as fast as possible.

And that's how I ended up with the forest of letters below. To the agents who included a personal note: I appreciate the time you took to write me. I will take your comments to heart.



So, here I am, three months and thirteen rejections later, standing on the verge of self-publishing, excited as hell.

Kalamazoo!



Christopher

Inspiring Tomorrow's Space Explorers: A New Query Letter

After my rejection last week by Writers House, I decided I need to punch up my query letter to emphasize the business opportunity my book presents.

Although I started writing the Onyx Sun series as a fun book for my son, Aiden, I am realizing it could also encourage kids to engage in math and science through the technologies those subjects enable. My book is replete with technology developed by Zack's grandfather, like large robots, rocketships, and fast jets, which should inspire kids. This is important because I've learned while working at Riverdeep that American kids score lower than almost every other developed nation in math and science scores. I am starting to think my book might be able to help turn the tide.

One of the keynotes at this year's NSTA (National Science Teacher's Association) emphasized during her speech that before we can expect kids to spend long hours pouring over textbooks, we have to inspire them to want to do so. In America we have a strange anomaly compared to the rest of the world whereby math and science are considered geeky. Maybe it's our sport-oriented culture, maybe it's just random, but the fact is kids don't want to study math and science because they don't think it's cool. They are not inspired.

My book can help change that. In an increasingly technological world, I think math and science have to become cooler if we're going to keep up. Gone are the days I grew up in when playing PC games was just for geeks. Now, kids of all ages, as well as adults, play XBox, PS3, and PC games. That's a step in the right direction, and books can help more than they currently are.

When you look at the bookshelves in bookstores today, you see a lot of YA fiction that centers around one of two categories: (1) fantasy or (2) reality. There's little-to-no science-fiction, which is interesting to me because sci-fi straddles these two genres. Sci-fi has a historical precedence of taking crazy ideas and making them reality. The Internet, space travel, genetic engineering...these were all considered science fiction until they gave way to science fact. Issaac Asimov and Jules Verne inspired people who became visionaries like Bill Gates and Richard Branson.

That's what our kids need! They need inspiration in what could exist but doesn't quite yet! I don't care how you slice it, no matter where we head in the next two hundred years, this planet will never see one dragon, elf, or fairy. While those things are fun to read and write about, they will never exist, while walking on Mars, settling the Moon, and exploring outer space will.

So, if we're going to inspire our kids in math and science, let's start reading them books that talk about attainable dreams. We're already exploring space, but we need to inspire them to take today's efforts further. So much awaits us out there: potential motherloads of raw materials, alternative sources of energy, new colonies to develop, etc.

So, it is with this passion and vision for how my book can help this that I have revised my cover letter to the following:

--- BEGIN LETTER ---

Specific Person
Agency
Address
Address

Dear (Agent/Editor’s Name):
I am seeking representation for my young adult chapter novel The Incredible Origins of the Onyx Sun, complete at 83,500 words.

My book follows ten-year-old Zack Goodspeed, after he discovers his grandfather has invented a spaceship powered by an infinite energy source called the Onyx Sun. Stowing away on the ship, Zack is stranded on the Moon, thrown into life-threatening conflicts, and forced to confront an enemy bent on using the Onyx Sun to wipe out all life on Earth.

I believe my book will be popular with young adults for a number of reasons:
- Space 2.0: Children have always loved space. It provides a realm of infinite imaginative possibilities, and now we near a Second Golden Age of Space. Virgin Galactic is creating the first space tourists. A human will walk on Mars. My book is part of these events, which will define the next generation.
- Engagement in Math & Science: We need to inspire American kids to engage in math and science if we are to maintain our international competitiveness. I have designed my book to present plots, characters, and environments that will engage children in the exciting possibilities of technology and space.
- A Series Novel: This book is the first in a series, which will maximize backlist potential. I have already started the sequel: The Wicked Adversaries of the Onyx Sun. Five novels will ultimately comprise the series covering space exploration, colonization, interplanetary war, and first contact with aliens.
- A Familiar Format, an Underdeveloped Genre: With my book, I have used familiar elements from popular young adult novels in an environment (i.e. space) I am passionate about and consider underdeveloped as a mass market genre.
- Relevant to World Events: My book explores terrorism, alternative energy, and internationalism to help young adults understand their lives in a global context.

I have published several articles and poems. I currently work for educational publisher Houghton Mifflin Riverdeep Group and understand how to capture kids’ attention. My business background and education (BA, Northwestern; MBA, Babson) have given me the skills to sell my novel to parents, teachers, and children. I am a member of SCBWI.

In my research, you have consistently arisen as a quality source of representation. I hope you will contact me at your earliest convenience for the entire manuscript.

Sincerely,
Christopher Mahoney

What I Like About This Letter

• Makes a full business case: I mention several reasons my book is unique and a good business opportunity. In a bulleted list, these issues are easy to scan and assess.
• Synopsis is tight: The book synopsis is concise, perhaps too much so.
  

What I Don't About This Letter

• Too formal: Looks like a business proposal. Is not enough of a compelling story. The bullets especially look business-y.
• Too scattered: The fact I didn't focus on just one or two appeals for why my book is so unique looks scatter-shot.

The First Rejection

Well, after two months of waiting on tenterhooks for Writers House to review my entire manuscript, I heard back today. They were very courteous to give me a personalized write-up of my manuscript, but of course I can't help but be disappointed. I know how hard it is to get published, but for a glimmer of a moment, I thought Writers House initial interest might translate into one of those rarefied occasions when a new author gets picked up immediately.

For posterity's sake, here's the letter:



Kalamazoo!



Christopher